There are really only two keys to understanding high fashion: 1) Each piece must contain at least one element that serves no purpose other than to attract attention; and 2) Each piece must be insanely expensive so that you can not-so-casually mention how much money you have when others inquire as to why the hell you’re dressed like that. Now that you understand the basics of high fashion, I’m excited to share some of my favorites. Be sure to use my link when purchasing so that I can retire to a small private island with my commission off these stupidly expensive items. Enjoy!
This first top from Dolce & Gabbana priced at a cool $5,500 is a perfect piece for high fashion beginners because there is no doubt that you will be asked, “Why the f*@k are you dressed like a butterfly?” After responding with something to the effect of “I really needed a top with storage space for my selfie light ring and $5,500 was a steal too good to pass up” you can hit em with a shoulder whip and fly off like the fancy kite you are.
Did you just steal a cover from the hair salon?…or pay $6,200 for an Alaia turtleneck poncho dress? Don’t worry; they’ll know once you tell them.
Amelia Earhart?…more like Amelia EarHOT! For slightly more than my first car, you and Brunello Cucinelli can bring back aviator chic. Those basic betches are the only thing destined for a crash landing after you hit em with this stunner.
Not to give too much love to designer Brunello Cucinelli, but I must give extra love to anyone who can mimic my 92 year old grandmother’s church blazer for only $8,000. Everyone knows nana’s fashion is priceless.
Beat it, Lulu! Elite betches only work out in $6,000 replicas of my childhood ninja turtle windbreaker. Bottega Veneta has me saying “cowabunga!” all over again with this gem.
Eat your heart out, mom! I’m queen of the roller rink now with this $6,000 piece of 80’s vomit from Isabel Marant.
We’ve all wondered what it would look like if Marry Poppins joined a motorcycle gang. For only $5,000, Alexander McQueen has given us the answer…and it’s glorious! Now we’re left only to ponder if there is a hog wide enough to hold a buttress like that.
Everyone loves golden retrievers and the Muppets. For only 4k, Saint Laurent has given a way to look like the forbidden offspring of Air Bud and Fozzie Bear.
If you haven’t figured out yet that this is nothing but April Fools Day fun then I can’t help you. I’m sure most of you have also figured out by now that Claire wrote none of this. She once again allowed her brilliant and fashionable husband, Nathan, to guest write on her blog. I hope you had a giggle or two, and Nordstrom, please don’t revoke my wife’s Nordstrom Card over this stunt. She’s a loyal supporter, and I fear she’ll smother me in my sleep if you cancel her card.
